Phallic Croissant Recipe

Phallic Croissant

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Ingredients

  • 250g salted butter
  • 50g caster sugar
  • 30g sunflower oil
  • 15g salt
  • 2 large organic eggs (one egg to brush the - croissants)
  • 1 sachet of yeast
  • 200ml milk
  • 400g flour

How to make Phallic Croissant


Nothing beats a freshly baked croissant and Italian coffee - especially when you're procrastinating from essays.

Started rolling out last night and it took literally forever to get the dough done - don't be put off though, it's totally worth it. Check out the tips though, it is a tricky dish!

  1. Start with the butter: Place butter in room temperature until you can knead it gently into a rectangular shape (~A4) over a piece of parchment paper (double size of an A4). Place the butter in between the paper and refrigerate it until it's semi-hard.

  2. The Dough: Microwave the milk to lurk warm (over done it will kill the yeast), sprinkle and stir in the yeast then combine with sugar, eggs, oil, flour and salt. Knead lightly and adjust the softness with flour. Let it rest for an hour until double in size (1 - 1.5 hours), then punch it and put it back to the fridge (30 mins). Roll the dough into double-A4 size and place the butter on either side and seal the dough. You want to wrap the butter block with the dough evenly. Try stretching the dough evenly and be careful not to break it.

  3. Folding the Dough: Roll out the now A4 dough, when it's thin enough (1 cm), fold them into three fold (like how you fold banknotes into Lei See Packet. Well if you're Western - like folding Business letter). Remember to dust the working space with flour or it'd stick and you will want to die. Roll it flat again until 1 cm thin, and fold it again.

  4. Chill the Dough: Now retrain yourself and stop folding (I know it's fun) - It's very important to tuck the dough back to the fridge (wrap in parchment paper to prevent drying). If you don't and keep on folding it, the butter melts and the croissant will not come out fluffy.

  5. Repeat steps 3-4 one - two more times and 30 mins chilling in between. Cover in foil and chill over night. The dough will grow a bit so don't wrap it too tight.

  6. Shaping the Croissant: Roll the dough, and cut it in half for easier handling, and roll it to a scandalous 3 mm thin. Shape it into tissue paper size, and cut it diagonally. with the tip facing against you, roll the the triangle upwards.

  7. Mine turned out to be phallic because I didn't secure the middle tip under the croissant when I baked it. If you want a decent croissant, seal the middle tip under when tuck in the oven :)

  8. Beat the egg, and brush it over the croissants. Cover with parchment paper and let it rest for an hour (don't skip this step, because the yeast will create air during the rest, making the croissant fluffy). Preheat the over with a 100C, tuck the croissant in, and turn up to 130C, for about 15-20 mins.

  9. Now brew your coffee

  10. Think of what you are going to be in a year time.

  11. And enjoy the croissant!

  12. What's good about the dough despite all the hardwork is - you can roll them in parchment paper and freeze it, and have them anytime you want :D

  • Danika
    Danika says

    Sounds delicious! I can't wait to try them, I too have essays to distract myself from!

  • mapocathy
    mapocathy says

    Thanks! I just realize if we roll the butter to very thin (like .3 mm) to begin with, the croissant becomes much lighter, which I actually prefers :) Let's crank our essays first haha...

  • m31g4n
    m31g4n says

    Very sexy, but not too hard I hope!

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